Typical
by Draconicality
Summary: In which Ren and Horohoro have an interesting conversation about Ainu artwork, puppy ears, and Ren's choice of underwear. Chaos ensues. [mild HoroRen]


-looks sheepish- Okay, so it's not an actual fic. (You don't actually think that the Dracster writes one-shots this long, do you?) Wait, it –is.- But this is an (almost) totally unedited RP between me n' Akuma-chan (or _somnambulism) _that my sister demanded I share with the freakin' world. Don't worry. It's one of the more amusing ones. =3 Thanks for givin' me permission to post this, o sleepwalking one. Sis and I appreciate it muchlies.

Note that all the Ren-parts are my work, and all the Horo-parts are Akuma-chan's. Had to tag the ending on, though. See if we actually play in-chara.

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For once in his life, Ren was not drinking milk, sleeping, picking a fight, training, or thinking up yet another fiendish plot to take over the title of Shaman King.

Instead, he was sketching random things on a notepad held in his lap, occasionally grumbling and rubbing something out, biting his tongue lightly in concentration.

"Reeeeeenn!"

A grin sprawled over the Ainu's features as he stuck his head over Ren's shoulder, staring down at the notepad in the Chinese boy's hand. "Whatcha doing?" He inquired, eyebrows raising.

Ren flipped the notepad over almost immediately, turning his head to scowl at a set of features so near his that his eyes nearly crossed. "Trying to draw something. You're a horrible distraction."

"I never knew you could draw." Horo laughed, grin merely widening. "Heh heh. Let me see!" The blunette made a lunge for the notepad, trying, apparently, to jump over Ren to get to it.

Ren hunched over the pad protectively, directing a growl at the blue-headed baka. "Stop that! It's -private-!"

Horo pouted, resting his head on Ren's shoulder in a childish manner. "No fair."

Ren thumped his head lightly, in an almost affectionate manner. "So?"

"I wanna see! C'mon, Ren!" Horo begged, voice turning into a whine.

With a frustrated growl, Ren flipped the notepad back up. "It's no good." he muttered uncomfortably, trying not to flush.

The drawing, of course, was a rough doodle of Horohoro. For some strange reason, Ren had added suspicious-looking puppy ears sprouting out of his head.

"Naaaniiii?" Horo drew out his words as he eyed the drawing. "Oi, Ren? What's with the ears?"

"I don't know. They looked like they belonged there," he smirked. "Seeing as how you act like a puppy all the time."

Putting pencil to paper, he started adding something small in the corner.

Eyebrows raising as he watched Ren, he squinted to see what he was doing. "Now whatcha doing?"

Ren almost laughed to himself as he sketched in a tiny chibi in the corner, adding in whiskers and a...tongari. "Behold the Ren-neko."

"Baakaaa." Horo grinned, giving Ren a gentle prod to the side of his head.

Ren let himself be prodded, tapping the end of the pencil against his lips as he pondered the empty space left on one side of the page. "What should I draw next? Or d'you want to try?"

"You kidding? I can't draw." Horo frowned, wrapping his arms loosely around Ren, and resting his chin on the other's shoulder. "Hrmph. You're good at -everything-. 'Snot fair."

Ren allowed the smile to come, putting an arm around Horo and ruffling his hair. "Of course. I'm Tao Ren."

"Is that something to be proud of?" Horo poked his tongue out with a lazy grin, casting a sideways glance towards the Chinese shaman.

"I'm as proud of it as you're proud of being an Ainu-baka," he grinned. "And whatcha mean you're bad at drawing? I've seen you draw. You're -not.-"

"I never draw!" Horo stated, brow furrowing. "Because I suck at it!"

Ren rolled his eyes and blurted, "But I saw you making that Hokkaido drawing for Kororo! What are you talking about?"

Horo pursed his lips, gaze drifting away. "...I only draw Ainu things, for Kororo when she feels homesick."

"...They're pretty." Ren was in one of his rare 'social' moods today. "Even Anna said so." And if Horo wasn't going to believe it, then he was damn well going to drag in the witnesses.

"Hrmph." Horo frowned. "You're lying."

"Tao Ren does not lie." He smirked. "Bason was there. -Kororo- was the one who showed Anna. You can ask."

Horo's vision focused upon Ren once more. "Really? Hrmph. But I still suck at drawing!"

"And here I was, thinking you'd be glad of beating me at -something- other than being a loudmouth idiot." Ren teased.

"I'm not an idiot!" Horo whined, mock-pouting. "Hrmph. You are!"

"Iie. I don't see anyone here calling me Tao-baka, do you?" Ren's smile had a bit of an edge to it now. "Horohoro-kun."

"'Tao-baka'." Horo grinned, prodding Ren's forehead. "There. See?"

Ren's hair seemed to sprout a few inches. "I am -not- a fool!"

"Yeah, you're an idiot."

"And you're an Ainu-baka who can't prove his statements."

"...Whaddya mean?"

"Give me three good reasons why I should be called a fool."

"...Hrm. Let's see....One, you're afraid of onsens..."

"...Only when three -perverts- strip me and throw me in..."

Horo grinned. "You have 33 of everything, and sleep with a stuffed tiger."

"It's just a memento, and 33 is my lucky number…and I do NOT sleep with it!"

"Yes you do!" Horo prodded Ren again. "I've seen you!"

"You watch me -sleep?-" Ren exclaimed, incredulous.

"...You watch -me- sleep."

"...I do not." Ren declared sullenly, averting his gaze.

"Yes. You. Do." Horo grinned, prodding Ren yet again.

"Proof. Now."

"I've seen you." Horo stated, matter-of-factly. "You watch me sleep every Tuesday and Friday."

"I do not! I only watch on We--" Ren snapped his mouth shut.

"See!" Horo grinned, giving Ren yet another prod.

"Well, you watch every other -day- of the -week.-"

"Only Mondays!" Horo protested, brow furrowing.

"Hah, see." Ren fell silent for a moment.

"...And why exactly are you watching me sleep?"

"...Because you're cuter when you're sleeping." Horo mumbled, looking away.

Ren blinked. And blinked again. "...Say what?" Granted, it was the reason he would have used too...now to distract Horo enough so he wouldn't ask him the same question...

"...Because you're cuter! Isn't that why you watch me? Hrmph."

Ren twidgeted. So much for that plan. "Actually, yes."

Horo blinked. "Really?"

He'd really done it now. Stupid Ainu...stupid Kororo...stupid cuteness...stupid notepad... "I told you, Tao Ren doesn't lie!"

"Heh. Knew it, knew it." Horo leaned more heavily upon Ren, poking his tongue out. "Baakaa."

Ren glanced uneasily at the blue head that lolled on his shoulder. "At least we're even."

"Naa. You watch me two days. I only watch you one."

"No, I only watch you on Wednesdays, baka."

"Nooo."

"Yeeees. The rest of the time it's probably just Hao trying to find a way in so he can molest Yoh...or something."

Horo cringed. "Reeenn. You better be lying!"

"Um, sadly, no. Notice that Anna posted her _shikigami_at the entrances to their room lately?"

"Yiickk."

"Heh."

"...Poor Yoh."

"Poor Hao. The last time he sneaked back through my room there was a big red handprint on -both- sides of his face." Ren shuddered a little. Anna's Hidden Super Killer Moves were no joke.

"Ehe...better than getting socked clear to the top of the Sunshine Plaza Skyscraper." Horo mumbled.

Ren laughed, before laying his head lightly on Horo's shoulder. "Only -you- would think of insulting her work. You moron."

"Well it WAS bad..." Horo mumbled, grinning. "My outfit's are -way- better."

Ren tweaked the zipper of Horo's jacket. "...Hn. Doesn't look that great to me."

"Atleast I wear guy's clothing." Horo smirked, pulling gently at one of the frogties on Ren's vest.

An angry vein began to bulge on Ren's forehead. "What are you implying?"

"You dress like a female slut." Horo snorted.

Ren began to fume. No one insulted his fashion sense. "Kisama! I do not dress like a slut, neither do I wear women's clothing!"

"Oh yeah? I bet you wear a -thong- even." Horo grinned, eyeing Ren.

"$#%#$%#$%$# I DO NOT WEAR A THONG, YOU PERVERTED AINU!"

Ren had pulled out his kwan-dao. And no, not from his ass, despite all those fangirl rumors.

"Oh yeah? Prove it!"

Ren sputtered and flushed crimson. "You already stripped me once! You know I don't! Hentai."

"Hah. You were wearing SHORTS then." Horo prodded Ren's chest with a grin. "I bet you are wearing a thong."

Ren was, as they say, caught between a rock and a hard place. And in that void between, strange assumptions form. "...You're just trying to get me out of my pants."

"Yeah right!" Horo snorted, rolling his eyes. "You're just making excuses 'cause you're wearing a -thong-."

"And -you- just want me out of my -pants.-" Thong or no thong, when the drowning man finds a lifeline, he will cling.

"Do not! Pervert!"

"Then why do you keep questioning my underwear?"

"...because you wear girl's clothing, and therefore, wear girl's panties."

"...You idiot." Ren bopped Horo with the blunt end of the kwan-dao.

Horo irked, before tackling Ren and pinning him. "Atleast I don't wear a thong!"

Ren hissed under the other boy's weight, realizing that Horo had effectifely knocked his weapon out of reach. "I do -not-!"

"Oh yeah? Then let's see!" Smirking, Horo began untying the top on the side of Ren's pantleg.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Ren jerked his leg away, smacking Horo in the chest at the same time. "STOP TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS!"

"You're wearing a thong! I know you are!" Horo grinned, once more pinning Ren. "Stop squirming!"

Ren growled in embarrassment, struggling even harder. "I DON'T WEAR THONGS!!!" he screeched into Horohoro's ear.

Horo winced, before smirking and prodding Ren's chest. "Then I bet you wear a bra!"

That was it. That was just -it.- Ren's head came up, and his teeth came down on Horo's finger. HARD.

Horo yelped, loudly, before emitting a spew of curses, before attempting to roll off of Ren, and free his finger. "Shit! Ren!"

Ren's answering grin was evil. Very evil.

"OFF! LET GO OF MY FINGER! You stupid ass cannibal!" Horo growled, leering at Ren.

Ren's teeth dug deeper. That was for trying to strip him. -Again.- He felt a slight pang of guilt at the taste of blood in his mouth, but no one got away with that sort of thing twice.

Horo yelled as he felt Ren's teeth break the skin. "REN! STOP!!"

Oh, all right. As long as Horo learned his lesson. Ren spat out Horo's hand, immediately becoming -much- guiltier as he saw the damage his teeth had inflicted.

Horo cringed in pain, whining as he cradled his hand, eyes clouded with tears. "Damn you."

Ren chewed at his lower lip, looking away. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

The bluenette rolled his eyes, still able to manage a sarcastic comment, even if his finger was in pain. Sob. Poor finger. "And just that for trying to figure out your underwear? Ren, you –girl.-"

The Chinese shaman ground his teeth. This was going to be a long day.

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…Review and amuse, ye puny mortals. (XD Now that you know what authoresses do when they neglect fics.)


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